Sunday, December 13, 2009

Control issues

It is Sunday morning and where am I at? In pj's at my computer instead of at strange life has become.

An update:

If you read my last post you already know a little about my spiritual challenge. And while I didn't allow rebelliousness to de-rail my heart with the "whys", I am still looking for the "so what now" in what is God's purpose for this mess.

Physically, my left hand is always tingling, feels continually "asleep" and has limited coordination. As I told my Dr. in a fatigue and drug-induced state, it is numb-ling. (Who knows what else I said, that is just one he didn't let me forget.) Hopefully the physical therapy will get that back to normal soon so I won't need help with buttons, can type with more then my right hand, etc. My left shoulder, due to surgery, also needs to come back to what I was used to, but oh how I miss that left hand! They said it could come back quickly so I feel hopeful.

Emotionally, I missed out on some major once-in-a-lifetime moments with a couple of my kids while in the hospital and still feel badly about it. As a mom who adores "being there" for her kids, this really sucked! Also during this time, my parents had a pre-planned trip to celebrate early Christmas with us. I was so grateful they were here, especially for the kids, but it wasn't exactly a celebratory visit.

And I managed to time this in such a way to miss 3 Christmas parties this week. For my husband, the classical Grinch, this was all good. But I really love to party at Christmas-time!

So I sit here in my pj's sipping tea, thinking about some of the hard stuff. Stuff that I like to control. And it has just kind of hit me...why fight this. Why fight for control! Just allow God to do His thing with me according to His timing. He doesn't need my approval or advice. He is God! He has a plan for my life. He is in control.

God is in control and has a plan!

God is in control of my life!

1 comment:

Kellie said...

I think I will follow you in yeilding to our Father. Its so much work trying to control everything anyway...hang in there friend!