Solitude

I am an introvert so the discipline of solitude shouldn't be difficult. Or so I thought.

I am finding that solitude is so much more then being alone and quiet. It is about God-focus. An ability to not be distracted. A honing of my spiritual senses, enabling me to better experience the Holy Spirit's leading in my life moment to moment.

In his book Celebration of Discipline, Foster writes this additional insight about solitude:

"The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that he may work an inner transformation upon the soul."

He goes on to explain how this "dark night" is often accompanied by feelings of a barrier between my heart and God. A suspicion that He is far away and my prayers are not quite hitting His ears and His Word is not quite touching my heart.

I read this and something inside me nods in agreement. I think that is a place I have visited a time or two. Or ten.

But another (rebellious) part of me just wants to argue with Foster's observation.

Aren't challenging times most often the result of human failings? Why should He feel the need to inflict me with hardship to inspire soul growth? Can't there be an easier and less painful way?

I reflect on those questions personally and the truth is blindingly simple. I have control issues. I want to determine when I enjoy my solitude. I don't want God enforced solitude. I think I know myself best! And if I don't feel like growing spiritually I shouldn't have to!!

Foster goes on to say regarding those harsher times of solitude, "Be grateful that God is lovingly drawing you away from every distraction so that you can see him clearly."

These enforced moments of solitude are really expressions of love from a God who desires my soul to expand into something more lovely, more Christ-like. From that perspective, the solitude of a dark night suddenly becomes strikingly beautiful. It is confirmation that God is not done with me. He hasn't thrown up His hands and said "Enough! I am through with her".

Solitude allows God to pull my heart closer to His own!! Solitude allows me to bide my time while God does His work in me.

Today I am...

...listening to rain drops on my back deck through the open windows.

...watching Sweet Home Alabama for the umpteenth time.

...labeling items for a Brazil fundraiser garage sale still fueled by a Skinny Biggby's Teddy Bear from this AM.

...thankful there is a big empty space in my dayplanner from noon on.

What are you up to?

One of Those Moments

Yesterday after school, my 16 year old son picked me up from Big D's office in his car. (!!!!)

We were headed downtown to a tux shop because my baby boy has been invited to prom by a girl from our church. (!!!!!!!!!!!!)

As the tux shop guy showed my son the options, I had one of those moments of blinding insight. He is not my baby boy anymore. He is growing up at the speed of light and he is drawing very close to adulthood.

This is one of those moments when I should NOT be "biding my time". The time is now! The time to love on him and cherish him and laugh with him and listen to him. The time is now!!

T.T.

T.T. stands for toilet tissue, thank you very much. I have decided to try and refer to it as that from now on. It sounds very genteel and ladylike. (You might use T.T. for gently dabbing mascara off your face but you don't even think about using T.T. for a midnight foray on a neighbor's yard right before a thunderstorm is expected. )

Here is the story:

D and I were reminiscing about his mom the other day and somehow the topic of toilet paper came up.

(Maybe because we were down to one roll in a house of 6 people. Maybe!)

Anyways, he mentioned that T.T. was how she referred to toilet paper on her grocery list, although in real life she called it TP. I guessed that maybe she thought if she dropped her list in the store and someone behind her picked it up and saw the initials T.T. they wouldn't be able to decipher her code-word and figure out that her family was the kind of family that found themselves in need of TP. D just kind of looked at me. I could tell he would never have even thought of that as a reason.

Someday, we will get to ask her. I really would love to know. And we will probably have a really good laugh over it.

And on that note, I wonder if when we get to heaven we will actually remember all the general, non-life changing but personal and quirky questions that were never asked.

Biding My Time!!