Junk Mail

It happened again! J got another Flat-Whatever in the mail. Sometimes they are called Flat Stanleys. Sometimes they are Flat O'Mally's. Whatever! Talk about junk mail!!

And what really ticks me off is the way that the "letter" is worded. They make it sound so innocent and fun and...educational! In scrawling letters the request was made for J to "do something fun" with the enclosed piece of paper, write a story about that adventure, and then mail it back to the child's classroom . Enclosed with the letter was an Irish looking man colored in green crayon. Flat O'Malley!

I have just a couple of issues. First of all, I barely have time to make sure my 4 kids have all their homework done let alone making sure that this other kid in a different state gets her homework done.

Second of all, the letter should have been addressed to me or D because we are the ones who are going to have to do all the work on making this happen. Let's just be realistic, can't we!?

Thirdly, and the real issue that is most pressing, what on earth happens if we somehow manage to lose this Flat Irish Guy in the mass of paperwork that I am already laboring under? Because that is exactly what has happened. It is gone!! Vanished!!

Maybe his disappearance could be part of the Flat Guy's adventure. We could say we took him to D3's basketball game tonight (they made it to state--woohoo). The game was really fun until he got upset that D3 wasn't being played enough and was sitting on the bench. And then the Flat Irish Guy started yelling at the men wearing stripey shirts. This wasn't a very good plan since we were sitting on the front row. One of those zebra shirts snatched him off the bleachers and tore him up in little shreds. (Hmmm. A little graphic for 3rd grade. Maybe they just kicked him out of the game.) So he gets kicked out of the game and is killing time at the concession stand with a Coke when he all of a sudden realized he was Irish. He doesn't have to sit around waiting. He is like the Lucky Charms guy on the commercial. He can just "poof" and disappear back to where he came from...Ireland, of course.

What do you think? Think J's cousin (teacher, mom) will buy it? I think I am going to give it a shot. And the added bonus is that there is a very real possiblity that we will never be sent another Flat-whatever from this family again!

Note to self: Save yourself some stress. Next time the Flat-Whatever is sent to you, don't procastinate! Just do it and get it over with!!

My Latest Pet-Peeve

I am a fairly easy-going, laid back kind of gal. Most of the time. But not always.

Here is the latest: leaving small spoons to drown in over-sized jars of grape jelly.

There! I feel better now that I have that off my chest!

Politically Speaking

Politics makes me feel intensely uncomfortable. Whenever I read a political article or watch the news lately, it is like I am the unwilling bystander overhearing the heated argument going on between a couple who knows each other very well and know just how to push each others buttons and is intent on winning regardless of what it costs.

And it doesn't matter whether the slant of the media coverage is conservative or liberal, the anxiety remains.

And it doesn't matter that I know that regardless of what happens in politics, God is still my loving and faithful God.

So my question is, how do I remain in touch with what is going on in the world around me when I feel the need to run for the hills and a good strong Dr. Pepper as soon as things start to get interesting?

Any ideas?

Anyone?

Looking at the World Through Smudgy Glasses

I have discovered in the last couple of months a new pet peeve: eyeglasses in need of cleaning. Not just my own, which I just noticed are a bit smudgy in the lower left corner, but also the eyeglasses belonging to people with whom I am having a conversation. Does anyone else have this pet peeve?

I assume that I never noticed this "issue" before because I didn't wear glasses and couldn't relate to how miserable looking at the world through smudgy glasses can be. Or perhaps, I just couldn't SEE the smudges because I NEEDED glasses so desperately myself!

Anyways! Last Saturday I passed up the opportunity to reach out and tangibly improve someone's view of the world around them and it is kind of haunting me. An older friend was watching her grandkids play basketball at the same time I watched J.'s team play. In the sleepy blur of waking early on a Saturday morning and scrambling our family out of the house, I had forgotten to put on my glasses. All things considered, it could have been worse. Out of all the other items of clothing I could forget to put on in my sleepy daze, that one is the least harm done!! And Big D drove so pedestrians and squirrels were safe from me blindly driving through the town.

But back to the game! This sweetheart of a lady see's me squinting, takes off her bifocals (!!!) and tells me to put them on and see if they help. And here is where I could have tangibly improved her outlook on life...they were the most smudged and dusty glasses I have ever noticed in the last few months of my new pet peeve. They literally had a base layer of smudge like a glaze over the glass with specks and additional smudges sprinkled across every little cm of those glasses.

So what did I do? Did I snatch those glasses from her and run to the ladies room and wash them sparkling clean? Of course not! I politely looked through them briefly and regretfully said they weren't my presciption. Ah!! An opportunity lost. Well, I am personally tired of looking at the world through smudgy glasses so I am off to de-smudge the specs!

It Looked Fabulous...

in my mind! Unfortunately, reality didn't turn out so terribly fab!

I am talking specifically about the Missions bulletin board up at the church that I worked 4 hours on today. Yes! 4 hours!!

Sadly, there are lots of other things that could apply to also. For instance, the shade of yellow for my guest bathroom 2 houses ago. Or the shade of color I put on my hair a few months back. Or more recently, the "lavish" Christmas lights display around my front door and window which turned out a little pathetic.

But back to the Missions bulletin board. I have a friend who partners with me on this project once every couple of months. We do this together partly because we are friends and partly because no one else has volunteered to do it. Actually, that last reason is probably the main reason we do it, but anyways... She and I have about as much creativity between the two of us as a couple of squirrels but we do enjoy being around each other. Usually. At least for the first couple of hours when we are visualizing and planning and things are all fun and chatty. Once we realize how fast time is flying, and how what we visualized isn't developing, little things begin to frustrate us like the construction paper waves that look like Burger King crowns and the palm tree fronds that are too long and the... Anyways!! I promise you, it looked fabulous when it was in my mind!!!

We figure if anyone doesn't like it they can volunteer to do the next one!!!

A Bit Ticked Off

I try to keep things positive and upbeat on my blog while remaining real and authentic.

Be forewarned, today is a little more of the real then of the positive. My insurance company is strangely refusing to pay for my allergy medicine. Quite honestly, I don't know if I have the emotional energy right now to navigate through their phone system.

It will go something like this:

Welcome to our automated phone system!
Press 1 if you are a doctor or pharmacist, and we will joyfully and immediately connect you to a kind and helpful person.
Press 2 if you have "VIP" at the beginnning of your account number and you will be helped sooner rather then later.
Press 3 if you have a long string of numbers in your account number and pull up a chair you will be here awhile.

When I press #3 I will hear the cheerful voice say:

Press 4 if you have given birth to 6 or more children and have a question about a prescription.
Press 5 if you are postmenopausal with thinning hair and have a question about a prescription.
Press 6 if you have psychological issues and have a question about a presciption.
Press 7 for more options.

This is where things get risky. If I press #7, will it circle around to phase one and start all over again or if I am patient will I eventually get the option of talking to a real person?

Or should I just push #6 and get it over with!!

Book Reviews...

are apparently quite subjective. I just finished a book that was touted as "poignant", "funny", and "hard to put down". I will not acknowledge the title of the book here in my blog because it doesn't deserve that much recognition. I skipped whole pages at a time just trying to see if the poignant and funny part was just waiting around the corner. And get this! The publisher has the nerve to provide a readers guide with discussion questions as if literary individuals everywhere will want to meet around a coffee table and discuss.

I think what really irritates me the most is that I actually bought the stupid thing! I feel duped by the reviews! So to feel a little better I think I will give my own private review of the pathetic novel that shall remain un-named.

"The perfect read for those who crave a healthy portion of weak plot and awkward narrative interspersed with tired characters. A must-not buy!"

Ok...I feel better now. Thanks for letting me vent!