It is Sunday morning and where am I at? In pj's at my computer instead of at church...how strange life has become.
An update:
If you read my last post you already know a little about my spiritual challenge. And while I didn't allow rebelliousness to de-rail my heart with the "whys", I am still looking for the "so what now"...as in what is God's purpose for this mess.
Physically, my left hand is always tingling, feels continually "asleep" and has limited coordination. As I told my Dr. in a fatigue and drug-induced state, it is numb-ling. (Who knows what else I said, that is just one he didn't let me forget.) Hopefully the physical therapy will get that back to normal soon so I won't need help with buttons, can type with more then my right hand, etc. My left shoulder, due to surgery, also needs to come back to what I was used to, but oh how I miss that left hand! They said it could come back quickly so I feel hopeful.
Emotionally, I missed out on some major once-in-a-lifetime moments with a couple of my kids while in the hospital and still feel badly about it. As a mom who adores "being there" for her kids, this really sucked! Also during this time, my parents had a pre-planned trip to celebrate early Christmas with us. I was so grateful they were here, especially for the kids, but it wasn't exactly a celebratory visit.
And I managed to time this in such a way to miss 3 Christmas parties this week. For my husband, the classical Grinch, this was all good. But I really love to party at Christmas-time!
So I sit here in my pj's sipping tea, thinking about some of the hard stuff. Stuff that I like to control. And it has just kind of hit me...why fight this. Why fight for control! Just allow God to do His thing with me according to His timing. He doesn't need my approval or advice. He is God! He has a plan for my life. He is in control.
God is in control and has a plan!
God is in control of my life!
Showing posts with label eternal thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eternal thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
an old companion
when god allowed some hard stuff to happen to me these last 8 days, i had quite a bit of time to think...
and i could almost see my old companion rebellion sitting by my hospital bed.
i could almost hear her questioning whispers of why? become my own.
i could almost smell the sour scent of hopelessness that she prefers.
i could almost feel her crushing weight of bitterness on my chest.
almost.
but through the strength of the perfect companion, through god's word, through the encouragement of believing friends, my old companion rebellion could never make her full presence known to me.
i am so grateful.
and i could almost see my old companion rebellion sitting by my hospital bed.
i could almost hear her questioning whispers of why? become my own.
i could almost smell the sour scent of hopelessness that she prefers.
i could almost feel her crushing weight of bitterness on my chest.
almost.
but through the strength of the perfect companion, through god's word, through the encouragement of believing friends, my old companion rebellion could never make her full presence known to me.
i am so grateful.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
"Out of the depths..."
A short visit to the hospital yesterday for a quick check up and a referral to a doctor closer to home turned into 7 hours, more tests, and a second and third opinion different from the first.
Back I go to Psalms 130, this time to verse 1 and 2...."Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy."
I know this chapter is a psalm of ascent and has to do with forgiveness of sin. In that, this Scripture highlights the bigger picture of the character of God. He is a God who listens, rescues, and is worthy of putting my hope in. And that is exactly what I need right now and in the following days.
Back I go to Psalms 130, this time to verse 1 and 2...."Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy."
I know this chapter is a psalm of ascent and has to do with forgiveness of sin. In that, this Scripture highlights the bigger picture of the character of God. He is a God who listens, rescues, and is worthy of putting my hope in. And that is exactly what I need right now and in the following days.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
"I wait for the Lord..."
A week ago today (or was it a month ago?!) I blogged my thankfulness for the Psalms. I had found another special thought from God just for me, just for that day. Only it seems it wasn't just for that day as I was to soon find out.
But first things first, here is the verse:
Psalms 130:5 says this, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."
Because that verse leaped off the page at me, I pulled out a pad of paper from my desk and jotted it down quickly before heading off into my Monday of fun hanging out with Big D.
About noon, I noticed some strange changes in my left arm. It was slightly larger then usual, it was a different color then arms are supposed to be, and veins that don't usually show themselves were obvious on my chest and bicep. So I called my favorite doctor, my dad in Oklahoma, and left a casual little message asking for a call back when he got a chance. Meanwhile, Darril and I decided to cash in a gift card at Olive Garden. We had just gotten our food served when the call came and my dad calmly instructed me to go immediately to the ER.
Long story short...I was diagnosed with a DVT (deep vein thrombosis) in my left clavicle and I was admitted. Just like that. No warning.
Even the nicest of hospitals, and I was in a very pleasant one, is still not home. By the middle of that first night, I was going stir crazy.
I felt completely healthy. No fever. No painful symptoms. Yet I was trapped in a drafty hospital gown chained to an IV drip with nothing to do but think or watch t.v. Sleep was hit or miss, with the hospital staff coming in on an average of once per hour to check up on things.
At some point, very possibly my lowest emotional point, it occurred to me how very interesting it was that this month I decided to focus on thanksgiving. (Oh, the irony!)
Tuesday morning my husband showed up with the list of items that I had requested he bring...necessities like makeup and my Bible. And in my Bible he had tucked the slip of paper I had jotted that verse down hours before. There was a reason that verse had popped off the page for me! God knew I was going to need the encouragement.
In answer to fervent prayer, I was able to get home Wednesday night to enjoy Thanksgiving on Thursday with my family. And oh how easy it was to be thankful for everything...everyone together, my children's hugs, my own bed (with J snuggled in next to me just for the special occasion), non-hospital food, privacy...
I am still not completely sure what God would have me to learn in this new opportunity/challenge.
Is it simply a matter of honing my thanksgiving skills? (Thank you God for the opportunity to give myself two shots a day in the tummy so I can be home with the kids and Big D.)
Or do I need a tutorial on "waiting for the Lord" and "hoping in His Word"? (Thank you God for showing me that You are in control and that my grasping for control only stresses me out.)
Or is this not all about just me, but also for someone else whose life touches mine? (Thank you for bringing that sweetheart of a housekeeper into my hospital room each day. Work during the day, classes at night...please bless her, Lord!)
And on a final note today, I am comparing the name of my blog, Biding My Time, and the principle in the verse of "waiting for the Lord". Hmmm.
But first things first, here is the verse:
Psalms 130:5 says this, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."
Because that verse leaped off the page at me, I pulled out a pad of paper from my desk and jotted it down quickly before heading off into my Monday of fun hanging out with Big D.
About noon, I noticed some strange changes in my left arm. It was slightly larger then usual, it was a different color then arms are supposed to be, and veins that don't usually show themselves were obvious on my chest and bicep. So I called my favorite doctor, my dad in Oklahoma, and left a casual little message asking for a call back when he got a chance. Meanwhile, Darril and I decided to cash in a gift card at Olive Garden. We had just gotten our food served when the call came and my dad calmly instructed me to go immediately to the ER.
Long story short...I was diagnosed with a DVT (deep vein thrombosis) in my left clavicle and I was admitted. Just like that. No warning.
Even the nicest of hospitals, and I was in a very pleasant one, is still not home. By the middle of that first night, I was going stir crazy.
I felt completely healthy. No fever. No painful symptoms. Yet I was trapped in a drafty hospital gown chained to an IV drip with nothing to do but think or watch t.v. Sleep was hit or miss, with the hospital staff coming in on an average of once per hour to check up on things.
At some point, very possibly my lowest emotional point, it occurred to me how very interesting it was that this month I decided to focus on thanksgiving. (Oh, the irony!)
Tuesday morning my husband showed up with the list of items that I had requested he bring...necessities like makeup and my Bible. And in my Bible he had tucked the slip of paper I had jotted that verse down hours before. There was a reason that verse had popped off the page for me! God knew I was going to need the encouragement.
In answer to fervent prayer, I was able to get home Wednesday night to enjoy Thanksgiving on Thursday with my family. And oh how easy it was to be thankful for everything...everyone together, my children's hugs, my own bed (with J snuggled in next to me just for the special occasion), non-hospital food, privacy...
I am still not completely sure what God would have me to learn in this new opportunity/challenge.
Is it simply a matter of honing my thanksgiving skills? (Thank you God for the opportunity to give myself two shots a day in the tummy so I can be home with the kids and Big D.)
Or do I need a tutorial on "waiting for the Lord" and "hoping in His Word"? (Thank you God for showing me that You are in control and that my grasping for control only stresses me out.)
Or is this not all about just me, but also for someone else whose life touches mine? (Thank you for bringing that sweetheart of a housekeeper into my hospital room each day. Work during the day, classes at night...please bless her, Lord!)
And on a final note today, I am comparing the name of my blog, Biding My Time, and the principle in the verse of "waiting for the Lord". Hmmm.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Concealer, please!
The cosmetic home party was in full swing. Casual conversation circled the kitchen table as four ladies inspected newly cleaned faces in little white framed mirrors.
*******************
Are the kids ready for Spring Break?
(Hmm. I am seeing some crinkly wrinkles starting to show around my eyes.)
Yes, they absolutely can't wait! How is it going with the new puppy?
(And a few worry lines in the forehead, though there is nothing to be worried about at the moment.)
Pretty good...she is healthier now that I make her own special food each morning. So are you still leading the discipleship program ?
Pause.
(Is that...oh, good heavens it is... another disgusting blemish on my chin?!)
Well, actually, it has been a really tough year. I am just now getting to the point where I can sometimes pray.
(Quick! Some one pass the concealer, please.)
******************
Honestly, it took everything within me to lift my eyes to her face, engage with what she had just said, and acknowledge her pain with an inadequite but very heartfelt, "I am so sorry. I am so glad it is getting better."
After all, we are Christians. We aren't allowed to have these nasty kind of blemishes. Right?!
The irony is that Christ can actually use our blemishes to point us and others back to Him! Like my friend that morning. She could have just dismissed the question with a casual "no" and allowed conversation to move on to the mini-quiches. But she chose not to. She was bluntly honest without inviting a pity-party on her behalf. And the interesting result was that our focus turned to look at God's faithfulness for a few moments instead of focusing on our fleshly bodies that will age and wrinkle regardless of the products we slather on it.
"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117:2
Note to self: Forget the concealer. It just keeps my focus on myself and my imperfections. Instead, be real and offer praise to the Lord for His perfections!
*******************
Are the kids ready for Spring Break?
(Hmm. I am seeing some crinkly wrinkles starting to show around my eyes.)
Yes, they absolutely can't wait! How is it going with the new puppy?
(And a few worry lines in the forehead, though there is nothing to be worried about at the moment.)
Pretty good...she is healthier now that I make her own special food each morning. So are you still leading the discipleship program ?
Pause.
(Is that...oh, good heavens it is... another disgusting blemish on my chin?!)
Well, actually, it has been a really tough year. I am just now getting to the point where I can sometimes pray.
(Quick! Some one pass the concealer, please.)
******************
Honestly, it took everything within me to lift my eyes to her face, engage with what she had just said, and acknowledge her pain with an inadequite but very heartfelt, "I am so sorry. I am so glad it is getting better."
After all, we are Christians. We aren't allowed to have these nasty kind of blemishes. Right?!
The irony is that Christ can actually use our blemishes to point us and others back to Him! Like my friend that morning. She could have just dismissed the question with a casual "no" and allowed conversation to move on to the mini-quiches. But she chose not to. She was bluntly honest without inviting a pity-party on her behalf. And the interesting result was that our focus turned to look at God's faithfulness for a few moments instead of focusing on our fleshly bodies that will age and wrinkle regardless of the products we slather on it.
"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117:2
Note to self: Forget the concealer. It just keeps my focus on myself and my imperfections. Instead, be real and offer praise to the Lord for His perfections!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Confirmation
So you know that I am looking at love if you read my previous post.
Praying for it. Studying it. Trying to work it out into my daily life. It is my fruit this year.
Strangely, I am finding that as I sort through identifying what this fruit/command really is, I am consistently finding myself pointed to the concept of discipline.
Which feels kind of weird to me. It just isn't the first word I would normally go to when I think the word "love".
Because I am so slow on the uptake, additional confirmation is usually not too far behind. God is so very patient with me.
Case in point:
I have been growing a little lazy in some areas of my life the past several weeks. Nothing too terrible...some housework slipping through the cracks, Bible study for the Bible Studies sake and not for my personal relationship with God, sleeping too much, eating too many yummy things, skipping some work outs. (Dude, I could keep going but I will spare you any more details!)
So God woke me up with that thought a couple days ago. Not the most pleasant way to start the day, but it is wise to not ignore that still small voice when it is so big that it wakes you up!! Yes, I definately need to live in a more disciplined way.
In an effort to nip this pattern, I woke up an hour early this morning, grabbed my tea, and I started reading Proverbs 1. Despite my sleep deprivation, I did hit verse 2 fairly quickly only to find this: "for attaining wisdom and discipline".
Yep. Another confirmation. I am concluding that one key to understanding the fruit/command of love is for me to understand the role of discipline in my life. This is really beginning to get interesting!!
Praying for it. Studying it. Trying to work it out into my daily life. It is my fruit this year.
Strangely, I am finding that as I sort through identifying what this fruit/command really is, I am consistently finding myself pointed to the concept of discipline.
Which feels kind of weird to me. It just isn't the first word I would normally go to when I think the word "love".
Because I am so slow on the uptake, additional confirmation is usually not too far behind. God is so very patient with me.
Case in point:
I have been growing a little lazy in some areas of my life the past several weeks. Nothing too terrible...some housework slipping through the cracks, Bible study for the Bible Studies sake and not for my personal relationship with God, sleeping too much, eating too many yummy things, skipping some work outs. (Dude, I could keep going but I will spare you any more details!)
So God woke me up with that thought a couple days ago. Not the most pleasant way to start the day, but it is wise to not ignore that still small voice when it is so big that it wakes you up!! Yes, I definately need to live in a more disciplined way.
In an effort to nip this pattern, I woke up an hour early this morning, grabbed my tea, and I started reading Proverbs 1. Despite my sleep deprivation, I did hit verse 2 fairly quickly only to find this: "for attaining wisdom and discipline".
Yep. Another confirmation. I am concluding that one key to understanding the fruit/command of love is for me to understand the role of discipline in my life. This is really beginning to get interesting!!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Love Never Fails
Love never fails. At least, that is what it says in I Corinthians 13 about half way through.
But I do.
Not so much with my immediate family, though I will not claim perfection because that would be a lie! And not with the strangers who bounce against me occasionally in rough ways on the city streets or in line at the grocery store. My love-failures, in general, are with fellow Christians.
Shocking?! Yep...but not really. I know very well that I am not alone in this. There is too much Scripture written about loving the body of Christ for this to not be an issue that many of us are forced to deal with, even daily.
What is shaking me up though is how intensely God is forcing me to face this issue in my life right now.
Each year as my "New Years Resolution" I study a fruit of the Spirit. And wouldn't you know that this year the only two I had left was love and kindness. Take a wild guess which one I felt led to focus on this year.
In addition, we are in a series at our church's women's Bible Study on the Letter's of John. You can probably guess what one of the most repeated words is in this series of letters.
And the frosting on the proverbial cake is that God has even provided me a first-hand and ongoing experience with someone who is a challenge for me to truly love as God has commanded me to love.
So I am in process. What I have learned this far is that it is way easier said then done. But more importantly, it is only through His divine power that I am going to be able to do this in a healthy, God-glorifying way. (II Peter 1:3,4)
But I do.
Not so much with my immediate family, though I will not claim perfection because that would be a lie! And not with the strangers who bounce against me occasionally in rough ways on the city streets or in line at the grocery store. My love-failures, in general, are with fellow Christians.
Shocking?! Yep...but not really. I know very well that I am not alone in this. There is too much Scripture written about loving the body of Christ for this to not be an issue that many of us are forced to deal with, even daily.
What is shaking me up though is how intensely God is forcing me to face this issue in my life right now.
Each year as my "New Years Resolution" I study a fruit of the Spirit. And wouldn't you know that this year the only two I had left was love and kindness. Take a wild guess which one I felt led to focus on this year.
In addition, we are in a series at our church's women's Bible Study on the Letter's of John. You can probably guess what one of the most repeated words is in this series of letters.
And the frosting on the proverbial cake is that God has even provided me a first-hand and ongoing experience with someone who is a challenge for me to truly love as God has commanded me to love.
So I am in process. What I have learned this far is that it is way easier said then done. But more importantly, it is only through His divine power that I am going to be able to do this in a healthy, God-glorifying way. (II Peter 1:3,4)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
When I grow up...
...I want to be a 5th grade Sunday school teacher!
The perks are incredible. You are recognized wherever you go. The children hang on your every word and their lives are forever changed in that one hour each week! It is simply the ideal job!!
Yah...right!!
Even though I sometimes feel like I am talking to the air while my 5th grade pre-teens catch up on their beauty sleep, I can't help but be amazed at their occasional flashes of brilliance and deep-yet-simple insights. They end up teaching me.
One Sunday morning we talked about love. I came away from class with a fresh desire to love others like God wants me to love. This desire was sparked in my heart by God and His Word, but fanned into a nice little flame by the young minds who discussed it with me on their 5th grade level.
Our church just did a special offering called "not to us" that is earmarked for several Chinese orphans, Brazil medical supplies, and a special gift to all our missionaries. These kids made a goal to bring their own money to put in their own glass jar for this offering, and they were serious about it! They ended up giving a total of $38.27 to this wonderful cause!! It touches my heart to see their hearts and their hands so open to the things of God.
And I love how I get the title of teacher, but I am the one doing the learning!!
The perks are incredible. You are recognized wherever you go. The children hang on your every word and their lives are forever changed in that one hour each week! It is simply the ideal job!!
Yah...right!!
Even though I sometimes feel like I am talking to the air while my 5th grade pre-teens catch up on their beauty sleep, I can't help but be amazed at their occasional flashes of brilliance and deep-yet-simple insights. They end up teaching me.
One Sunday morning we talked about love. I came away from class with a fresh desire to love others like God wants me to love. This desire was sparked in my heart by God and His Word, but fanned into a nice little flame by the young minds who discussed it with me on their 5th grade level.
Our church just did a special offering called "not to us" that is earmarked for several Chinese orphans, Brazil medical supplies, and a special gift to all our missionaries. These kids made a goal to bring their own money to put in their own glass jar for this offering, and they were serious about it! They ended up giving a total of $38.27 to this wonderful cause!! It touches my heart to see their hearts and their hands so open to the things of God.
And I love how I get the title of teacher, but I am the one doing the learning!!
Friday, October 10, 2008
The Way He Is
For the last 17 years and 1 day (the age of my oldest) I have dedicated my life to mommyhood--what God has called me to and what I have mostly embraced through these years. But I always knew that there would come a time when those sweet kids of mine would need fewer of the hours in my day and God would call me into some new adventures.
A few weeks ago an ad in my daughters school newsletter caught my eye. The schools in our district desperately need substitute special ed. aides. I read the ad. My heart lurched ever so slightly. And I threw it immediately in the trash. By noon the next day I had dug the paper out of the trash, out from under the nasty apple cores, etc., and called the number for more information.
Which reminded me of the year 1998 and Allyssa.
In 1998, Allysa was about 13 years old and the daughter of a fellow seminary wife and good friend of mine. Out of the blue one hot Texas day, Sally asked me to consider watching Allyssa (handicapped both physically and cognitively) for about 20 hours per month and for which the state paid a certain sum. My heart was touched but I immediately said no. The next day found me calling her back for more information.
Ten years later and I am still fighting stubborness and still learning to discern God's voice speaking to my heart. I guess that is just the way I am!
I am excited to see what God wants to show me personally for now and possibly for my future. I am nervous about the unknown environment that I will enter. I am excited that God has provided a new opportunity for me to serve others, especially the "least of these." I am nervous to see if I have what it takes to step up to a new challenge and still keep my priorities in line with God's priorities.
In a few weeks I will go through the orientation and begin stretching my wings in a little different direction then I am used to. I have no idea if this will be short term or long term but I have committed myself to a certain amount of time and I will let you know how it goes. One thing I do know, Allyssa stepping into my life so many years ago didn't just bless my friend but also enhanced my relationship with God and forced me to grow in ways I wouldn't naturally have pursued. I think my patient and loving Lord wants to do the same thing again. That is just the way He is!
A few weeks ago an ad in my daughters school newsletter caught my eye. The schools in our district desperately need substitute special ed. aides. I read the ad. My heart lurched ever so slightly. And I threw it immediately in the trash. By noon the next day I had dug the paper out of the trash, out from under the nasty apple cores, etc., and called the number for more information.
Which reminded me of the year 1998 and Allyssa.
In 1998, Allysa was about 13 years old and the daughter of a fellow seminary wife and good friend of mine. Out of the blue one hot Texas day, Sally asked me to consider watching Allyssa (handicapped both physically and cognitively) for about 20 hours per month and for which the state paid a certain sum. My heart was touched but I immediately said no. The next day found me calling her back for more information.
Ten years later and I am still fighting stubborness and still learning to discern God's voice speaking to my heart. I guess that is just the way I am!
I am excited to see what God wants to show me personally for now and possibly for my future. I am nervous about the unknown environment that I will enter. I am excited that God has provided a new opportunity for me to serve others, especially the "least of these." I am nervous to see if I have what it takes to step up to a new challenge and still keep my priorities in line with God's priorities.
In a few weeks I will go through the orientation and begin stretching my wings in a little different direction then I am used to. I have no idea if this will be short term or long term but I have committed myself to a certain amount of time and I will let you know how it goes. One thing I do know, Allyssa stepping into my life so many years ago didn't just bless my friend but also enhanced my relationship with God and forced me to grow in ways I wouldn't naturally have pursued. I think my patient and loving Lord wants to do the same thing again. That is just the way He is!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thoughts
The existence of God. Can He/Does He step in and intervene in my very own mundane daily life? Or is my faith simply the psychological crutch some would claim it to be. Yeesh! Where on earth is this blog going?!
You guys know me! With my history of faith in the actual existence of God and His personal intervention in my life, why on earth would I spend any precious time thinking about this topic?
I spent some of my yesterday thinking these deep thoughts and being the devil's advocate, probably literally. I ended up by asking, if it was good with Him, to show up in a big way for me in the near future. Nothing specific was required, but would He show me Himself in such a way that I would see it was undoubtedly Him and so encourage and remind me in my faith. I laid out a fleece.
This morning, God showed up. Yet again, may I say!!
I have been praying for the last two days for a friend whose house was in process of foreclosure and her family was to be homeless in 2 weeks time. They were able to make monthly payments but not make up for the several months they had missed. No matter what avenue she tried, she kept hitting a brick wall and unkind people unwilling to listen or help. And so I prayed for intervention from God and provision. And I prayed she would find favor with the people in the mortgage company. This morning she called with the news that her mortgage company had called her with some new developments. In a nutshell, everything unpaid has been "forgiven" and she has been given a new rate with monthly payments even less then before. This from a company that had flatly refused to work with her and that HUD had warned her to be impossible to work with in her situation.
And so God revealed Himself! I was allowed the opportunity to pray with her and for her personal issues and in the process God reminded me yet again of Who He is and how He works. He is a personal God who cares and specializes in the impossible!
I am not sure why I went through that little exercise of questioning and laying out a fleece yesterday. For heavens sake, I can count many, many times that God has revealed His Presence to me through the beauty of creation and through others life experiences, as well as through His Word made alive in my own life. But for whatever reason, my faith is encouraged and I have been given a reason to praise God. And I pass this encouragement along to you, if by chance you have even stayed with this blog long enough to reach this point, and pray that you too will see a reason to say thank you to God for His existence and His intervention in your own life. Pass it along to someone else and let the Name of the Lord be praised!
You guys know me! With my history of faith in the actual existence of God and His personal intervention in my life, why on earth would I spend any precious time thinking about this topic?
I spent some of my yesterday thinking these deep thoughts and being the devil's advocate, probably literally. I ended up by asking, if it was good with Him, to show up in a big way for me in the near future. Nothing specific was required, but would He show me Himself in such a way that I would see it was undoubtedly Him and so encourage and remind me in my faith. I laid out a fleece.
This morning, God showed up. Yet again, may I say!!
I have been praying for the last two days for a friend whose house was in process of foreclosure and her family was to be homeless in 2 weeks time. They were able to make monthly payments but not make up for the several months they had missed. No matter what avenue she tried, she kept hitting a brick wall and unkind people unwilling to listen or help. And so I prayed for intervention from God and provision. And I prayed she would find favor with the people in the mortgage company. This morning she called with the news that her mortgage company had called her with some new developments. In a nutshell, everything unpaid has been "forgiven" and she has been given a new rate with monthly payments even less then before. This from a company that had flatly refused to work with her and that HUD had warned her to be impossible to work with in her situation.
And so God revealed Himself! I was allowed the opportunity to pray with her and for her personal issues and in the process God reminded me yet again of Who He is and how He works. He is a personal God who cares and specializes in the impossible!
I am not sure why I went through that little exercise of questioning and laying out a fleece yesterday. For heavens sake, I can count many, many times that God has revealed His Presence to me through the beauty of creation and through others life experiences, as well as through His Word made alive in my own life. But for whatever reason, my faith is encouraged and I have been given a reason to praise God. And I pass this encouragement along to you, if by chance you have even stayed with this blog long enough to reach this point, and pray that you too will see a reason to say thank you to God for His existence and His intervention in your own life. Pass it along to someone else and let the Name of the Lord be praised!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Choices
Some choices aren't too hard. And honestly, the consequences aren't earth shattering either way I decide to go.
Do I drink the hot tea at 9:53 at night (risking the effects of caffeine) or wait until tomorrow morning?
Do I let the boys wrestle in the livingroom (though it makes me a little crazy) or do I ask them to cease and desist?
Other choices require alot more from me!!
Like do I give in to feeling sorry for myself because my husband, who has been out of town Monday - Thursday night at a conference, just flew out again this afternoon to attend a family reunion through next Monday on a lake somewhere beautiful and I am stuck here at home with all four kids and nothing to do but more laundry and cooking and housework and yard work. Or do I just suck it up and rejoice that my husband gets the opportunity to go and be thankful that I have 4 awesome kids to spend time with all the holiday weekend long?
So in case you were wondering, I did drink the tea, which is why I am sitting here typing with the smug satisfaction of having lasted a whole 5 minutes before "encouraging" the boys to take it somewhere else.
But I am still working through the third choice I have to make. And yes, I do know what the right decision is. I just need to suck it up and actually do the right thing!! Something tells me I may need to revisit this decision a couple times this weekend. I am so very weak!!
Do I drink the hot tea at 9:53 at night (risking the effects of caffeine) or wait until tomorrow morning?
Do I let the boys wrestle in the livingroom (though it makes me a little crazy) or do I ask them to cease and desist?
Other choices require alot more from me!!
Like do I give in to feeling sorry for myself because my husband, who has been out of town Monday - Thursday night at a conference, just flew out again this afternoon to attend a family reunion through next Monday on a lake somewhere beautiful and I am stuck here at home with all four kids and nothing to do but more laundry and cooking and housework and yard work. Or do I just suck it up and rejoice that my husband gets the opportunity to go and be thankful that I have 4 awesome kids to spend time with all the holiday weekend long?
So in case you were wondering, I did drink the tea, which is why I am sitting here typing with the smug satisfaction of having lasted a whole 5 minutes before "encouraging" the boys to take it somewhere else.
But I am still working through the third choice I have to make. And yes, I do know what the right decision is. I just need to suck it up and actually do the right thing!! Something tells me I may need to revisit this decision a couple times this weekend. I am so very weak!!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Simplicity
Last month I was studying the spiritual discipline of simplicity. It was interesting. It was convicting. It is also a discipline that is difficult to apply practically.
The question that struck me the hardest was this: how often do we replace an item because it has actually worn out? My answer? Not very often!! While I have several areas of simplicity in my life, I am far from having all my ducks in a row on this one.
I know I am not alone in this. How many of us drive our cars until they literally no longer run? Or even until they are unreliable? Car purchases are usually based on looks and updatedness and the financial means to finally make the new purchase we have had our eye on. How often do we buy clothes because ours have worn out? Isn't it more about the latest style and boredom with what we already have? The examples could go on and on and on...
The fact is, most of us have the ability to indulge ourselves in many ways daily and we are not shy about taking full advantage of that ability!
So it has been good for me to think on this and look for more ways to incorporate simplicity in my life.
And on that note, I am off to Biggby's for a decadent coffee treat before I go trade in my old cell phone for a newer model!!
(Before you lose all respect for me, please note that I have a coupon for a free coffee and my 2 year old cell phone is hanging on by a string, literally, and no longer shuts properly.)
Simplicity does not mean I can't enjoy good things that God provides in my life. Or new things. Or fun things. I just need to be very aware of why I am buying those "things" and what role those "things" play in my life.
The question that struck me the hardest was this: how often do we replace an item because it has actually worn out? My answer? Not very often!! While I have several areas of simplicity in my life, I am far from having all my ducks in a row on this one.
I know I am not alone in this. How many of us drive our cars until they literally no longer run? Or even until they are unreliable? Car purchases are usually based on looks and updatedness and the financial means to finally make the new purchase we have had our eye on. How often do we buy clothes because ours have worn out? Isn't it more about the latest style and boredom with what we already have? The examples could go on and on and on...
The fact is, most of us have the ability to indulge ourselves in many ways daily and we are not shy about taking full advantage of that ability!
So it has been good for me to think on this and look for more ways to incorporate simplicity in my life.
And on that note, I am off to Biggby's for a decadent coffee treat before I go trade in my old cell phone for a newer model!!
(Before you lose all respect for me, please note that I have a coupon for a free coffee and my 2 year old cell phone is hanging on by a string, literally, and no longer shuts properly.)
Simplicity does not mean I can't enjoy good things that God provides in my life. Or new things. Or fun things. I just need to be very aware of why I am buying those "things" and what role those "things" play in my life.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Solitude
I am an introvert so the discipline of solitude shouldn't be difficult. Or so I thought.
I am finding that solitude is so much more then being alone and quiet. It is about God-focus. An ability to not be distracted. A honing of my spiritual senses, enabling me to better experience the Holy Spirit's leading in my life moment to moment.
In his book Celebration of Discipline, Foster writes this additional insight about solitude:
"The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that he may work an inner transformation upon the soul."
He goes on to explain how this "dark night" is often accompanied by feelings of a barrier between my heart and God. A suspicion that He is far away and my prayers are not quite hitting His ears and His Word is not quite touching my heart.
I read this and something inside me nods in agreement. I think that is a place I have visited a time or two. Or ten.
But another (rebellious) part of me just wants to argue with Foster's observation.
Aren't challenging times most often the result of human failings? Why should He feel the need to inflict me with hardship to inspire soul growth? Can't there be an easier and less painful way?
I reflect on those questions personally and the truth is blindingly simple. I have control issues. I want to determine when I enjoy my solitude. I don't want God enforced solitude. I think I know myself best! And if I don't feel like growing spiritually I shouldn't have to!!
Foster goes on to say regarding those harsher times of solitude, "Be grateful that God is lovingly drawing you away from every distraction so that you can see him clearly."
These enforced moments of solitude are really expressions of love from a God who desires my soul to expand into something more lovely, more Christ-like. From that perspective, the solitude of a dark night suddenly becomes strikingly beautiful. It is confirmation that God is not done with me. He hasn't thrown up His hands and said "Enough! I am through with her".
Solitude allows God to pull my heart closer to His own!! Solitude allows me to bide my time while God does His work in me.
I am finding that solitude is so much more then being alone and quiet. It is about God-focus. An ability to not be distracted. A honing of my spiritual senses, enabling me to better experience the Holy Spirit's leading in my life moment to moment.
In his book Celebration of Discipline, Foster writes this additional insight about solitude:
"The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that he may work an inner transformation upon the soul."
He goes on to explain how this "dark night" is often accompanied by feelings of a barrier between my heart and God. A suspicion that He is far away and my prayers are not quite hitting His ears and His Word is not quite touching my heart.
I read this and something inside me nods in agreement. I think that is a place I have visited a time or two. Or ten.
But another (rebellious) part of me just wants to argue with Foster's observation.
Aren't challenging times most often the result of human failings? Why should He feel the need to inflict me with hardship to inspire soul growth? Can't there be an easier and less painful way?
I reflect on those questions personally and the truth is blindingly simple. I have control issues. I want to determine when I enjoy my solitude. I don't want God enforced solitude. I think I know myself best! And if I don't feel like growing spiritually I shouldn't have to!!
Foster goes on to say regarding those harsher times of solitude, "Be grateful that God is lovingly drawing you away from every distraction so that you can see him clearly."
These enforced moments of solitude are really expressions of love from a God who desires my soul to expand into something more lovely, more Christ-like. From that perspective, the solitude of a dark night suddenly becomes strikingly beautiful. It is confirmation that God is not done with me. He hasn't thrown up His hands and said "Enough! I am through with her".
Solitude allows God to pull my heart closer to His own!! Solitude allows me to bide my time while God does His work in me.
Friday, May 2, 2008
T.T.
T.T. stands for toilet tissue, thank you very much. I have decided to try and refer to it as that from now on. It sounds very genteel and ladylike. (You might use T.T. for gently dabbing mascara off your face but you don't even think about using T.T. for a midnight foray on a neighbor's yard right before a thunderstorm is expected. )
Here is the story:
D and I were reminiscing about his mom the other day and somehow the topic of toilet paper came up.
(Maybe because we were down to one roll in a house of 6 people. Maybe!)
Anyways, he mentioned that T.T. was how she referred to toilet paper on her grocery list, although in real life she called it TP. I guessed that maybe she thought if she dropped her list in the store and someone behind her picked it up and saw the initials T.T. they wouldn't be able to decipher her code-word and figure out that her family was the kind of family that found themselves in need of TP. D just kind of looked at me. I could tell he would never have even thought of that as a reason.
Someday, we will get to ask her. I really would love to know. And we will probably have a really good laugh over it.
And on that note, I wonder if when we get to heaven we will actually remember all the general, non-life changing but personal and quirky questions that were never asked.
Biding My Time!!
Here is the story:
D and I were reminiscing about his mom the other day and somehow the topic of toilet paper came up.
(Maybe because we were down to one roll in a house of 6 people. Maybe!)
Anyways, he mentioned that T.T. was how she referred to toilet paper on her grocery list, although in real life she called it TP. I guessed that maybe she thought if she dropped her list in the store and someone behind her picked it up and saw the initials T.T. they wouldn't be able to decipher her code-word and figure out that her family was the kind of family that found themselves in need of TP. D just kind of looked at me. I could tell he would never have even thought of that as a reason.
Someday, we will get to ask her. I really would love to know. And we will probably have a really good laugh over it.
And on that note, I wonder if when we get to heaven we will actually remember all the general, non-life changing but personal and quirky questions that were never asked.
Biding My Time!!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Ok, ok...I get the hint!
This week my theme verse is Psalm 94:19. Lots of stuff going on, anxiety is all around me, but I am running to the consolation of the Lord.
So apparently I need a little bit of help on this. Instead of attending Bible Study and then shopping for a get-together at our house tonight, I am home sick with a stomach thing. Ok, I get the hint. I will slow down. I am running to You!!!
So apparently I need a little bit of help on this. Instead of attending Bible Study and then shopping for a get-together at our house tonight, I am home sick with a stomach thing. Ok, I get the hint. I will slow down. I am running to You!!!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Opportunities
I am pretty much a pessimist. Wait, I mean realist! When the challenging stuff happens around me I have to discipline myself to look at circumstances with a glass half full mindset. I squint hard to catch a glimpse of silver lining somewhere. It isn't always easy and I don't always succeed, but sometimes some pretty cool things come out of this discipline. Opportunities!
We live next door to the people who sold us our house two years ago. It wasn't part of their plan to become our neighbors. They didn't even want to move in the first place. When we moved in, they reluctantly moved on to another state because that was where he could find a contract job. On his first day at work, he fell and broke his back. Their family eventually moved back to live in his Dad's home so he could rehab and look for a new career and she could work two part time jobs.
And so they live next door to the home he built and they loved and we now live in. Awkward? Deeply! An opportunity? Definitely!
Last Fall, the wife came to me and apologized for all the tension. It was hard to wave at us and be friendly when they were drowning, she told us. She said that she would ask me to pray except she had lost hope. I told her I would pray anyways if it was ok with her. Over the past months, we have reached out to the family gradually. Their youngest girl and our girls became friends and the little girl accepted my girls' invitation to attend church with us. She now attends almost weekly with her parent's approval, though they don't come. A month ago, the little girl trusted in Christ! She reads her new kid level Bible daily (she had never opened a Bible before) and loves doing the projects they suggest (journals and all sorts of fun stuff). I am excited to see what God has planned next for their family! Maybe the parents and the big sister will begin to have a spiritual stirring in their hearts!
D and I were just finishing our run yesterday. My legs were like lead and we both only had about enough energy to drag our out of shape selves back into the house.
But a neighbor who was getting her mail a couple houses down stopped us to talk. She is one of those "wave at" neighbors who you maybe chat with briefly twice a year. But today she wanted to talk. She asked us to pray for her husband who was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So sad? Deeply! An opportunity? Definitely!
We live next door to the people who sold us our house two years ago. It wasn't part of their plan to become our neighbors. They didn't even want to move in the first place. When we moved in, they reluctantly moved on to another state because that was where he could find a contract job. On his first day at work, he fell and broke his back. Their family eventually moved back to live in his Dad's home so he could rehab and look for a new career and she could work two part time jobs.
And so they live next door to the home he built and they loved and we now live in. Awkward? Deeply! An opportunity? Definitely!
Last Fall, the wife came to me and apologized for all the tension. It was hard to wave at us and be friendly when they were drowning, she told us. She said that she would ask me to pray except she had lost hope. I told her I would pray anyways if it was ok with her. Over the past months, we have reached out to the family gradually. Their youngest girl and our girls became friends and the little girl accepted my girls' invitation to attend church with us. She now attends almost weekly with her parent's approval, though they don't come. A month ago, the little girl trusted in Christ! She reads her new kid level Bible daily (she had never opened a Bible before) and loves doing the projects they suggest (journals and all sorts of fun stuff). I am excited to see what God has planned next for their family! Maybe the parents and the big sister will begin to have a spiritual stirring in their hearts!
D and I were just finishing our run yesterday. My legs were like lead and we both only had about enough energy to drag our out of shape selves back into the house.
But a neighbor who was getting her mail a couple houses down stopped us to talk. She is one of those "wave at" neighbors who you maybe chat with briefly twice a year. But today she wanted to talk. She asked us to pray for her husband who was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So sad? Deeply! An opportunity? Definitely!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Brazil Blog
If you have the chance, pop over to the Volunteers For Christ website (it is listed on my "blogs to check out") and click on the "stay connected" tab and go to the blog portion. There are some exciting things going on in Brazil!!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
True Love
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."
Jeremiah 31:3
"This is love, not that we loved Him but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
I John 4:10
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
I John 3:16
Happy Valentines Day!!
Jeremiah 31:3
"This is love, not that we loved Him but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
I John 4:10
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
I John 3:16
Happy Valentines Day!!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
The Key to Keeping Resolutions...
is to resolve to not make any at all. (Just teasing!!) Actually, I am doing ok on my resolutions(spiritual and physical) for the year mainly because I instituted The Grace Policy. TGP is simply this, if I mess up, regardless of how many times, I show myself grace and keep moving forward.
Interestingly, as I worked out on the treadmill this morning at the gym, one of the news shows interviewed experts on how to keep resolutions. Their big idea was remarkably similar to TGP. Basically, forget about yesterday and ask yourself how you are going to do today and what your goal for tomorrow is.
HMMM!!! Sounds a bit like Phil. 3:13-14: "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Chrst Jesus."
Interestingly, as I worked out on the treadmill this morning at the gym, one of the news shows interviewed experts on how to keep resolutions. Their big idea was remarkably similar to TGP. Basically, forget about yesterday and ask yourself how you are going to do today and what your goal for tomorrow is.
HMMM!!! Sounds a bit like Phil. 3:13-14: "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Chrst Jesus."
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
In Pursuit of Fullness
Fullness: filled to capacity; synonyms are perfection, satisfaction, entirety; antonyms are need, want, lack, insufficiency
But I am not pursuing physical fullness, though I have my share of times I gorge myself on chocolate chip cookies for just that reason. I am talking spiritual fullness, the kind that is real and true and comes only through relationship with Christ. I have spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks in preparation for a study at church on Experiencing the Fullness of God (Eph 3:19). Over the next 10 weeks, a friend and I are preparing and leading this study, and I have to tell you it is going to be convicting for me personally.
We had our first meeting this morning and we discussed the various things that pull our focus away from Christ and entrap us into thinking we will find satisfaction or fullness in anything else. It is easy to think about other people's lives and identify for them the things that are distracting them away from Christ. It is somewhat painful to look in the mirror and see things in my own life, some not even necessarily bad things, that woo me away from the experiencing the fullness of God. Things like laziness and selfishness. Things like the busy appointment book sitting in my purse. All sorts and lists of things that "need" to be done. Things like the internet. (OUCH!)
Though it hurts to see those things in me, it is actually a relief to identify those distracting gnats and swat them away through the power of prayer and the desire to be obedient. I know that some of them will soon buzz back around me. But I am committing to the discipline of swatting! I know that experiencing the fullness of God is something God desires for me to enjoy and so I am continuing to pursue it!
But I am not pursuing physical fullness, though I have my share of times I gorge myself on chocolate chip cookies for just that reason. I am talking spiritual fullness, the kind that is real and true and comes only through relationship with Christ. I have spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks in preparation for a study at church on Experiencing the Fullness of God (Eph 3:19). Over the next 10 weeks, a friend and I are preparing and leading this study, and I have to tell you it is going to be convicting for me personally.
We had our first meeting this morning and we discussed the various things that pull our focus away from Christ and entrap us into thinking we will find satisfaction or fullness in anything else. It is easy to think about other people's lives and identify for them the things that are distracting them away from Christ. It is somewhat painful to look in the mirror and see things in my own life, some not even necessarily bad things, that woo me away from the experiencing the fullness of God. Things like laziness and selfishness. Things like the busy appointment book sitting in my purse. All sorts and lists of things that "need" to be done. Things like the internet. (OUCH!)
Though it hurts to see those things in me, it is actually a relief to identify those distracting gnats and swat them away through the power of prayer and the desire to be obedient. I know that some of them will soon buzz back around me. But I am committing to the discipline of swatting! I know that experiencing the fullness of God is something God desires for me to enjoy and so I am continuing to pursue it!
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